Even though Ashley’s name change has gone through, she’s wasn’t sure whether it would make any difference when she visited her parents over Thanksgiving. It turns out, Ashley’s cousins, aunts, and uncles seem to have become all the more supportive, while her parents still lag behind.
Ashley goes over a conversation with her parents in which she tried to gently ask them again if they could please use her pronouns. She was expecting that it might be a five-minute conversation — mostly just putting out the request and then awaiting the invariable milquetoast response — but Ashley recalls that the conversation nosedived right from the start. Although Ashley had hoped to focus on her pronouns rather than her name (which seemed to be more of a sticking point), her parents soon derailed the discussion to harp on about her name.
Although Ashley’s parents have moved on to using a childhood nickname for her — well, most of the time — Ashley laments that this would-be interim name seems to have taken up permanent residence. Ashley and Jay ponder how she could try to convey to her parents how important it is to her that they use her name. They mull over a few ideas and Jay half-jokingly tosses out the idea that Ashley could have photocopies of her driver’s license at the ready to pass out to any doubting bystanders.
Ashley recalls her dad telling an anecdote about her college years and, after Ashley discovered that he was using the wrong pronouns, she chimed in with a brief correction, only to have her dad offer the rationalization, “but you were a ‘he’ at the time.” Realizing that the I Would Prefer These Pronouns When Referring to My Past discussion wasn’t something she could squeeze in as an aside over dinner with guests, Ashley contemplates whether she should send her parents an email to talk through some of that.
Back in our second episode, Ashley sung the praises of using primer as part of one’s makeup routine, including recommendations for L’Oreal Paris’ Magic Perfecting Base and Smashbox’ Photo Finish. After recently noticing a reformulation of L’Oreal’s primer, however, Ashley revisits whether it’s still a comparable product against Smashbox’ Photo Finish. Ashley also follows up on some earlier thoughts about cleaning one’s makeup brushes and she shares some tips to help prevent one’s brushes from losing their bristles.
(Ashley’s polish in this episode is German-icure from OPI. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)
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After having filed her paperwork and heaps of waiting — among other steps — Ashley’s court date for her name change finally arrived. Ashley goes over the happenings that day and how things played out, including her game plan for getting out of bed by 5:30 a.m.
Ashley and Jay chat about some of the documents Ashley has to get updated, some of which Ashley has already tackled, others of which she’s leaving until her gender marker has been updated too. Oh, yeah — in Texas, it’s a complete nuisance to get one’s gender marker changed, but Ashley is giving it a shot. Ashley has been in talks with a lawyer to help with that and she’s keeping her fingers crossed that their fees won’t cost her an arm and a leg.
Jay asks if Ashley had any celebrations to commemorate the event and Ashley mentions that she had invited over several of her closest friends the evening of the court date for some drinks and yummy cake. From there, Jay lobs a noshy pun that Ashley mistakes for everyday banter and that trails along for a moment or two, but they get things sorted out.
In lieu of eyeshadow primer, Ashley offers that you can use foundation in a pinch. She offers the caveat that it’s not nearly as good as actual eyeshadow primer, but that it’s still a step up from no eyeshadow primer at all. Ashley then talks with Jay about how you can use liquid eyeliner — in this case, an inexpensive liquid liner from Milani, a drugstore brand — to somewhat darken the shade of one’s lashes to create a stronger contrast around one’s eyes. And, hey, we didn’t talk about nail polish on the show, although who knows if the postscript below disqualifies that.
(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Make Waves from Piggy Polish. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)
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Ashley visits with family and friends during the yuletide season and her parents obstinately use the wrong name and pronouns for her, creating confusion among some guests. For Ashley, it’s like insisting on using a woman’s married name even after she split with an abusive husband.
During her visit, Ashley’s dad conspicuously mentions that it’s okay if she doesn’t attend mass with the family on Christmas, which makes Ashley wonder if her dad is telegraphing some embarrassment to be seen with her at church. While making sandwiches, her mom lobs Ashley a verbal punch in the gut, seemingly unaware of the weight behind her words.
Ashley tries to remain optimistic her parents will eventually come around but it’s hard to imagine what will lead them toward full support. Ashley’s already feeling anxious about her parents’ upcoming visit in the fall. However, they are surprisingly understanding when Ashley talks to them about her recent layoff.
Jay learns that concealer can be a stand-in for eyeshadow primer in a pinch, and Ashley shows off a nail protein base coat by Nailtiques. Jay also learns what Ashley means when she describes herself as being “thirteen in girl years”.
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