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Call Me Ashley?

November 21st, 2011

Jay Frosting

Ashley talks about her parents’ recent visit and how she asked them to consider calling her Ashley rather than her birth name.

She also recounts the reprimand she received from her employer for using the bathrooms matching her gender presentation rather than those of the gender she was assigned at birth. Ashley struggles to grasp her employer’s rationalizations, but she resigns herself to workdays blighted by elevator slogs to restrooms on different floors.

Jay follows up on his earlier suggestion that Ashley buy some “girly glasses” and asks whether HRT has tempted her to drink more so-called “girly drinks” (even though Jay admits there’s no logic to that question). Ashley announces her nail polish bottle count and suggests a way to trade some of her lesser-used polishes in exchange for others she might rather have.

Ashley talks about which polish she finally decided to wear during her parents’ visit, Nite Owl from Orly’s “Birds of a Feather” collection, a taupe with just enough shimmer to keep things interesting. Ashley also espouses the value of the common cotton swab and makes the case for Johnson’s brand over Q-tips for this tiny but essential makeup tool.


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  1. November 22, 2011

    Hi, Ashley,

    I can’t say I’ve experienced the same issues as you, but I know the feeling of not being welcomed by everyone in the women’s restroom. Fortunately, VA law does dictate I use the restroom of the gender to which I identify, and my HR department supports it.

    Unfortunately, individually not everyone feels the same. I’ve had a few of the women on my floor respond very negatively to my presence in the women’s restroom, even though I was only in there to use the facilities, wash my hands and leave. I never even tried engaging anyone in conversation.

    I know it’s my legal right to use the women’s restroom, but to avoid further issues, I’ve taken to using the restrooms on other floors of the building. It’s not necessarily the best solution, but I would rather not have another confrontation, and I understand not everyone feels comfortable with my being a woman just yet.

    Still, I’m astounded that you would receive a reprimand for using the appropriate restroom – they already acknowledge you as female.

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your transition and really do hope you can begin using the women’s restroom on your floor again at some point soon. I also hope your parents can eventually come around to accepting you as the woman you need to be and can begin calling you Ashley. Light knows I hope my parents can do the same at some point.

    – Chrissy Willow

  2. cb #
    November 24, 2011

    While I love the audio version of your podcasts, the file sizes are enormous. is there any way you could reduce them before publishing?

    • November 28, 2011

      Thanks for bringing that up, CB—we’ll see what we can do!

  3. cb #
    November 24, 2011

    Hey Ashley,
    I was wondering whether you’ve been watching My Transsexual Summer, a show currently on TV in The UK. The premise being that a bunch of people at various stages of transitioning go away to a retreat to support each other and share experiences.

    Anyway there is some relevence to this week’s missgender podcast. One of the Fathers, struggling with the new name and with pronouns, was asked about his feelings. His response was that he felt as if he used to have twins and one of them had died and that he was still mourning for the one of the other gender.

  4. Anna #
    December 10, 2011

    Thought you might want to look at the 11th Federal Circuit of Appeals website for 6 Dec. They are the most conservative Federal Appeals court and the three judge panel ruled unanimously in favor a transgendered woman against the State of Georgia stating and I am just picking one quote out, there are several you may want to point out to your employer, “discrimination on the basis of gender sterotype is sex-based discrimination” and that coworkers discomfort or assuming a lawsuit based on this discomfort is no basis for discrimnation. It only 14 pages you should go and read it. Now this case was based on a govt agency, in this case the State of Georgia, so not sure how this translates to private sector but thought you might like to read it. I work for a city govt so this applies :) But I had already been working with the city HR department and they were going to allow me to be myself even without this case. Have a great day and enjoy reading the case :)

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