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Posts tagged ‘mom’

This Is No Good

January 24th, 2013

Ashley

Ashley visited her parents at the beginning of winter. Over her previous visit for Thanksgiving, she had heaps of support from visiting relatives, but this time Ashley had fewer allies — mostly just her brother, who gets her name and pronouns right all the time.

Her parents still use the wrong pronouns, and Ashley thought it might be because they didn’t know how much it hurts her. Wanting to remove any doubt, she braced for confrontation and told them how deeply hurt she feels when someone refers to her with male pronouns. She was shocked when her parents reacted with indifference.

In addition to the pronoun problem, Ashley’s parents have switched to using a childhood nickname for her instead of the name she chose. She was okay with that for a while, but she’s come to realize that her parents still use her birth name when she’s not around.

Ashley wonders whether writing a letter would work better than her attempt to ask them person, although a similar letter last spring didn’t seem to have much effect.

Ashley laments that L’Oreal’s Double Extend Mascara with Beauty Tubes tend to irritate her contact lenses, so she went to look for an alternative. She got a recommendation from her hair stylist for Smashbox’s Full Exposure Mascara, and discovered that it worked well for her without irritating her contacts in the same way that L’Oreal’s mascara did.

Ashley also offers a positive review for Urban Decay’s All Nighter Makeup Setting Spray, which you can spray onto your face after you apply your makeup — but before applying any mascara — to help your makeup last throughout the day. Ashley mentions that Urban Decay’s Makeup Setting Spray makes a difference on those days where her makeup really has to last.

(Ashley’s nail polish in this episode is Aruba Blue from Essie. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

No More Ms. Nice Girl

August 6th, 2012

Jay Frosting

Ashley had been trying to remain patient with her parents’ refusal to use her new name or correct pronouns, hoping that they’d come around on their own. In a letter she sent them a couple months ago, she sternly asked them to call her Ashley and decided to correct them whenever they refer to her incorrectly. With Mom & Dad staying in her guest room just down the hall and the weekend’s imminent raft of corrections, Ashley felt a building sense of anxiety in the weeks leading up to their visit.

Her parents call her by the wrong name 18 times on the first day (yes, there’s an app for that), and Ashley turns to her online support network for advice. She considers asking her parents to stay at a nearby hotel if their devil-may-care approach to her name carries on.

Jay thinks Ashley’s parents use people’s names in conversation more frequently than necessary and he asks Ashley about whether her parents may be doubling-up on names out of spite or if that may be part of her parents’ upbringing.

A shopping trip the next day offers a few bright moments that take Ashley by surprise, and she and Jay try to puzzle out this new behavior and how to encourage it in the future.

Ashley introduces Sephora by Opi’s Nail Color Quick Drying Drops and shares a few tidbits around the chemistry of drying nail polish that she’s recently learned. Ashley also talks about a new technique for removing nail polish with only one or two cotton balls (and in as little as 5-10 minutes).

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Fantasea from Orly. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

The Letter

June 22nd, 2012

Ashley

Ashley has waited for months for her parents to start using the name Ashley instead of her birth name, but they won’t, so she tries to explain her request again in a carefully worded letter. Unfortunately, the letter doesn’t go over well and her parents tell Ashley that she’s hurting them by not considering their point of view.

Ashley’s parents are visiting in a few weeks and she’d love to try a new restaurant with them, but she worries that her parents would out her as soon as they started making small talk with the restaurant staff.

Despite this, Ashley has started the process of legally changing her name, and she tells Jay about all the paperwork, filing fees, and her eventual appearance before a judge, who could potentially decide not to grant her request.

Jay also learns how to get the most out of Too Faced Shadow Insurance eyeshadow primer and a tip on cleaning the lint from one’s dryer screen without scuffing one’s nails.

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Aruba Blue from Essie. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

7 Questions

April 1st, 2012

Jay Frosting

Ashley answers 7 Questions for the we happy trans project, such as who’s been most supportive of her transition, changes she’d like to see in the world, and how she’s helping to make those changes.

Jay asks how Ashley’s new coworkers are accepting of her gender identity, given that some knew her since before her transition while others have only ever known her as Ashley.

Ashley receives a postcard from her vacationing parents, but they addressed it to her birth name and Ashley can’t bring herself to read it. She wants to talk with them again about calling her Ashley, but worries that her parents could become fatigued on the subject if she were to bring it up too frequently. She and Jay also discuss the unusual evidence her mother cites to try to refute Ashley’s gender identity.

Jay learns that Too Faced Shadow Insurance (an eyeshadow primer) benefits from a little shakey-shake before use, as one would do with a squeeze bottle of ketchup (or with natural peanut butter if you’re fancy). Ashley also discerns that her technique for repainting some nails (but not others) with a zip-top bag requires a new baggie about every six months.