Her parents still use the wrong pronouns, and Ashley thought it might be because they didn’t know how much it hurts her. Wanting to remove any doubt, she braced for confrontation and told them how deeply hurt she feels when someone refers to her with male pronouns. She was shocked when her parents reacted with indifference.

In addition to the pronoun problem, Ashley’s parents have switched to using a childhood nickname for her instead of the name she chose. She was okay with that for a while, but she’s come to realize that her parents still use her birth name when she’s not around.

Ashley wonders whether writing a letter would work better than her attempt to ask them person, although a similar letter last spring didn’t seem to have much effect.

Ashley laments that L’Oreal’s Double Extend Mascara with Beauty Tubes tend to irritate her contact lenses, so she went to look for an alternative. She got a recommendation from her hair stylist for Smashbox’s Full Exposure Mascara, and discovered that it worked well for her without irritating her contacts in the same way that L’Oreal’s mascara did.

Ashley also offers a positive review for Urban Decay’s All Nighter Makeup Setting Spray, which you can spray onto your face after you apply your makeup — but before applying any mascara — to help your makeup last throughout the day. Ashley mentions that Urban Decay’s Makeup Setting Spray makes a difference on those days where her makeup really has to last.

(Ashley’s nail polish in this episode is Aruba Blue from Essie. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

Ashley goes over a conversation with her parents in which she tried to gently ask them again if they could please use her pronouns. She was expecting that it might be a five-minute conversation — mostly just putting out the request and then awaiting the invariable milquetoast response — but Ashley recalls that the conversation nosedived right from the start. Although Ashley had hoped to focus on her pronouns rather than her name (which seemed to be more of a sticking point), her parents soon derailed the discussion to harp on about her name.

Although Ashley’s parents have moved on to using a childhood nickname for her — well, most of the time — Ashley laments that this would-be interim name seems to have taken up permanent residence. Ashley and Jay ponder how she could try to convey to her parents how important it is to her that they use her name. They mull over a few ideas and Jay half-jokingly tosses out the idea that Ashley could have photocopies of her driver’s license at the ready to pass out to any doubting bystanders.

Ashley recalls her dad telling an anecdote about her college years and, after Ashley discovered that he was using the wrong pronouns, she chimed in with a brief correction, only to have her dad offer the rationalization, “but you were a ‘he’ at the time.” Realizing that the I Would Prefer These Pronouns When Referring to My Past discussion wasn’t something she could squeeze in as an aside over dinner with guests, Ashley contemplates whether she should send her parents an email to talk through some of that.

Back in our second episode, Ashley sung the praises of using primer as part of one’s makeup routine, including recommendations for L’Oreal Paris’ Magic Perfecting Base and Smashbox’ Photo Finish. After recently noticing a reformulation of L’Oreal’s primer, however, Ashley revisits whether it’s still a comparable product against Smashbox’ Photo Finish. Ashley also follows up on some earlier thoughts about cleaning one’s makeup brushes and she shares some tips to help prevent one’s brushes from losing their bristles.

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is German-icure from OPI. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

Ashley and Jay chat about some of the documents Ashley has to get updated, some of which Ashley has already tackled, others of which she’s leaving until her gender marker has been updated too. Oh, yeah — in Texas, it’s a complete nuisance to get one’s gender marker changed, but Ashley is giving it a shot. Ashley has been in talks with a lawyer to help with that and she’s keeping her fingers crossed that their fees won’t cost her an arm and a leg.

Jay asks if Ashley had any celebrations to commemorate the event and Ashley mentions that she had invited over several of her closest friends the evening of the court date for some drinks and yummy cake. From there, Jay lobs a noshy pun that Ashley mistakes for everyday banter and that trails along for a moment or two, but they get things sorted out.

In lieu of eyeshadow primer, Ashley offers that you can use foundation in a pinch. She offers the caveat that it’s not nearly as good as actual eyeshadow primer, but that it’s still a step up from no eyeshadow primer at all. Ashley then talks with Jay about how you can use liquid eyeliner — in this case, an inexpensive liquid liner from Milani, a drugstore brand — to somewhat darken the shade of one’s lashes to create a stronger contrast around one’s eyes. And, hey, we didn’t talk about nail polish on the show, although who knows if the postscript below disqualifies that.

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Make Waves from Piggy Polish. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

Her parents call her by the wrong name 18 times on the first day (yes, there’s an app for that), and Ashley turns to her online support network for advice. She considers asking her parents to stay at a nearby hotel if their devil-may-care approach to her name carries on.

Jay thinks Ashley’s parents use people’s names in conversation more frequently than necessary and he asks Ashley about whether her parents may be doubling-up on names out of spite or if that may be part of her parents’ upbringing.

A shopping trip the next day offers a few bright moments that take Ashley by surprise, and she and Jay try to puzzle out this new behavior and how to encourage it in the future.

Ashley introduces Sephora by Opi’s Nail Color Quick Drying Drops and shares a few tidbits around the chemistry of drying nail polish that she’s recently learned. Ashley also talks about a new technique for removing nail polish with only one or two cotton balls (and in as little as 5-10 minutes).

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Fantasea from Orly. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

Ashley’s parents are visiting in a few weeks and she’d love to try a new restaurant with them, but she worries that her parents would out her as soon as they started making small talk with the restaurant staff.

Despite this, Ashley has started the process of legally changing her name, and she tells Jay about all the paperwork, filing fees, and her eventual appearance before a judge, who could potentially decide not to grant her request.

Jay also learns how to get the most out of Too Faced Shadow Insurance eyeshadow primer and a tip on cleaning the lint from one’s dryer screen without scuffing one’s nails.

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Aruba Blue from Essie. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

Jay asks how Ashley’s new coworkers are accepting of her gender identity, given that some knew her since before her transition while others have only ever known her as Ashley.

Ashley receives a postcard from her vacationing parents, but they addressed it to her birth name and Ashley can’t bring herself to read it. She wants to talk with them again about calling her Ashley, but worries that her parents could become fatigued on the subject if she were to bring it up too frequently. She and Jay also discuss the unusual evidence her mother cites to try to refute Ashley’s gender identity.

Jay learns that Too Faced Shadow Insurance (an eyeshadow primer) benefits from a little shakey-shake before use, as one would do with a squeeze bottle of ketchup (or with natural peanut butter if you’re fancy). Ashley also discerns that her technique for repainting some nails (but not others) with a zip-top bag requires a new baggie about every six months.

Jay and Ashley chat about the group sessions organized by her gender therapist that she attends with several other trans women. It’s a cozy supportive environment where they talk about some of the progress the other women in the group have made with their transitions and various ups and downs.

Ashley talks about some of the trans community she’s come across online including the alternating-weeks #transchat and #queerchat each Sunday. Jay asks whether Ashley has come across much cyberbullying and Ashley talks about some of the microaggressions she’s come across in passing.

Ashley offers a follow-up on two makeup products discussed on earlier episodes. Oh, and they veer into talking about nail polish too. Yeah, like that ever happens.

Jay asks Ashley to elaborate on what she means when she says she’s “always been a woman” and if that means she regrets not having come out at an earlier point in her life.

Together, they discuss whether it would be feasible to raise a baby as gender neutral until they were old enough to express their gender identity.

They also discuss the nail-protecting power of gloves and Ashley sings a jingle about them. (Caveat: The “gloves song”—all three seconds of it—is only available in the video version of this episode.)

Ashley wonders how to get through to her parents and is nearly ready to give up, especially after her dad says that he doesn’t entirely accept publications like the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) as truth. Ashley also continues to long for any recognition of her femininity from her mom.

Jay and Ashley discuss some fun things as well: her new pierced ears, the ideal diameter for hoop earrings (1.68 inches), using a flatiron, and matching polish precisely by bringing specific clothes to the store. Ashley finishes by describing some nail polish shortcuts and their inherent tradeoffs.

During her visit, Ashley’s dad conspicuously mentions that it’s okay if she doesn’t attend mass with the family on Christmas, which makes Ashley wonder if her dad is telegraphing some embarrassment to be seen with her at church. While making sandwiches, her mom lobs Ashley a verbal punch in the gut, seemingly unaware of the weight behind her words.

Ashley tries to remain optimistic her parents will eventually come around but it’s hard to imagine what will lead them toward full support. Ashley’s already feeling anxious about her parents’ upcoming visit in the fall. However, they are surprisingly understanding when Ashley talks to them about her recent layoff.

Jay learns that concealer can be a stand-in for eyeshadow primer in a pinch, and Ashley shows off a nail protein base coat by Nailtiques. Jay also learns what Ashley means when she describes herself as being “thirteen in girl years”.

Jay asks Ashley to elaborate on her blooming albeit sporadic attraction to men, or more specifically, Ashley’s newfound ability to determine which men are attractive. (No surprise here, but Rob Lowe and Ryan Gosling are on the list.)

They also discuss how Ashley maintains her eyebrows (she was having them waxed even before she came out to herself), whether Ashley ever does her make-up in the car on the way to work, and if she’s considered trying out a totally trashy or promiscuous make-up look, just for fun.

Ashley teaches Jay a trick for bending a mascara brush to make it easier to apply and how one can smudge eyeliner with a cotton swab if one is without a dedicated eyeliner brush. They do not talk about nail polish.

Ashley attempts to talk with her dad about some recent MRI studies indicating that transgender status is likely rooted in biology—that transgender people are born that way—but the information is quickly swatted aside by her dad’s cognitive dissonance.

Ashley explains that her favorite top coat, Seche Vite, works best when immediately applied on top of the second coat (before the second coat even starts to dry) and she passes along a technique that you can use to selectively remove nail polish from only a few nails without affecting the rest of your manicure.

(Ashley’s polish in this episode is Wicked from Essie. We aren’t being paid to say this — just thought maybe you’d like to know.)

Jay wonders whether testosterone blockers affect erections and if that has any negative effect on sexual intercourse. Ashley doesn’t rule out being attracted to trans women and cisgender women alike, and for the first time, starts seeing herself as a bisexual-leaning lesbian.

Jay asks Ashley how she approaches modesty regarding her breasts, such as while wearing her new swimsuit for the first time or in the changing room with friends, and whether she feels self-conscious around other areas of her body.

Ashley has some elevator chitchat with her manager but later realizes he may have been unaware of the subtext she was trying to convey. She also rethinks which clothes she might bring while visiting her family over Thanksgiving and describes her occasional but conspicuous chocolate cravings.

Ashley shows off her pearlescent white and pink nail polishes from Essie (Oui Madame and Pink Diamond) and asks Jay and the audience for ideas on how she can avoid banging her nails into objects.

They discuss the men’s clothes Ashley has already given away and the few masculine outfits she’s keeping for the time being. Jay asks Ashley about changing her watch style and whether she’s considered other accessories like toe rings, earrings, and other piercings.

Ashley fills Jay in on the latest updates to the Standards of Care, a set of guidelines outlining care and prerequisites for care for transgender persons. They talk over the positive and negative aspects of the updated guidelines, including fewer arduous waiting periods for some surgeries trans men may have, and the leftover stagnation among some of the preconditions for surgeries such as SRS.

Ashley shows off a top coat from China Glaze that can give any polish a matte finish and she offers a follow-up about her gel nails and the process she used to eventually remove her gel nail polish.

They also chat about shopping for clothes, from her interactions with salespeople to arbitrary clothing sizes and the chicken-and-egg problem she faced as she was kicking off her transition.

Ashley tells the story of her first trip to any ladies’ room (hint: it was at work, sort of) as well as the sense of belonging she felt when she first went to a crowded one.

Ashley offers a tip on retaining supple skin under the eyes and talks through an idea that might help reduce the chances of chipping her nails while fishing through her purse for her keys. Lastly, Ashley shares a short time-lapse video montage of self portraits she had taken over the past few months using the “Everyday” iPhone app.

She also recounts the reprimand she received from her employer for using the bathrooms matching her gender presentation rather than those of the gender she was assigned at birth. Ashley struggles to grasp her employer’s rationalizations, but she resigns herself to workdays blighted by elevator slogs to restrooms on different floors.

Jay follows up on his earlier suggestion that Ashley buy some “girly glasses” and asks whether HRT has tempted her to drink more so-called “girly drinks” (even though Jay admits there’s no logic to that question). Ashley announces her nail polish bottle count and suggests a way to trade some of her lesser-used polishes in exchange for others she might rather have.

Ashley talks about which polish she finally decided to wear during her parents’ visit, Nite Owl from Orly’s “Birds of a Feather” collection, a taupe with just enough shimmer to keep things interesting. Ashley also espouses the value of the common cotton swab and makes the case for Johnson’s brand over Q-tips for this tiny but essential makeup tool.

It so happens the batteries in Ashley’s camera ran out just before she did her lips and hair that morning, so while those bits didn’t make it into the video, you can imagine if you’d like tacking on a handful more minutes toward the end to take care of those.

Ashley recounts some early shopping trips with friends soon after she had come out to them and how they had come along with her for a gleeful day of shopping while also playing the role as sort of a fashion tour guide to help Ashley learn the ropes of her new clothing options. She also reminisces about a recent trip to Nordstrom in which they not only had shoes in her size — oodles of them — but also shoe clerks with the attentiveness that made her feel like she had acquired her own shoe sommelier.

As time drew closer to her transition at work, Ashley sprang for a series of makeup lessons from both an independent makeup artist as well as one from her local MAC store. Eager to share some of what she learned, Ashley conveys how one can use a sponge wedge to help smooth one’s foundation and a trick that can make it easier to recover from small mistakes when applying one’s eye makeup.

Jay talks with Ashley about her reactions to pet names she might come across — words like ‘darlin’ or ‘cutie’ that one might hear from a store clerk or a server at a restaurant. Jay also asks Ashley which name and pronouns she’d prefer when someone is referring to her in a story from before she came out.

Ashley also teaches Jay about two common types of toe separators one can use when painting one’s toes and weighs the advantages of each. Jay also learns about a new type of polish that allows one to wear two nail colors at the same time in which the second color peeks through a series of cracks in the first.

Jay learns how orange sticks can be used to clean up nail polish that may have ended up outside the lines and a trick with Vaseline that one can use to help keep polish from falling outside the lines in the first place.

Ashley also explains her frustration after transition delays at work, how she’s trying to keep her employer on track, and the tricky issue of the ladies’ room at the office.

Jay also learns all about UV-cured gel nail polish.

Ashley also ponders an upcoming visit from her parents and mulls over ideas on how she might ask them to call her Ashley.

Finally, Jay and Ashley talk about makeup removal and cleaning makeup brushes.

Ashley also educates Jay about some potential surgical options including facial feminization surgery (FFS) and sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). And she offers some tips on spacing one’s polish coats to prevent chipping.

Jay also talks with Ashley about the frustrations she feels with her voice and Jay offers some ideas on girly glasses.

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